DC Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 This is a controversial one. My view may be unpopular and/or improper but I believe it is unhealthy for a man to be platonic friends with females. It's typically disingenuous. I am at the point in my life where I do not have time or interest in entertaining women as friends. I pursue women romantically or not at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aniekwe Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 I can be friends with a lady online and know that the attention she gets from me are the one's I'm willing to give online and nothing more. If we are relating physically, there will be romance included or it's not going to work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clasher Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 I can be friends with a lady as long as that's what we both want. I don't start talking to a lady just because I want to have a romantic relationship sometimes work or some other passion we both agree about can bring us together and I am cool with keeping it platonic but as we all know we can't actually predict so if our friendship develops into something serious and we both want to take it a step further then I would, otherwise we can remain just friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aniekwe Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 Just now, Clasher said: I can be friends with a lady as long as that's what we both want. I don't start talking to a lady just because I want to have a romantic relationship sometimes work or some other passion we both agree about can bring us together and I am cool with keeping it platonic but as we all know we can't actually predict so if our friendship develops into something serious and we both want to take it a step further then I would, otherwise we can remain just friends. From my experience with most of them, it doesn't take long and they would start having feelings which was never part of our friendship plans and ground rules. When I don't reciprocate the love/feelings, they see me as being too cold. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clasher Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 Just now, Aniekwe said: From my experience with most of them, it doesn't take long and they would start having feelings which was never part of our friendship plans and ground rules. When I don't reciprocate the love/feelings, they see me as being too cold. From the beginning I always try to define our relationship and State our boundaries , but if they start developing feelings and I am not interested in them for that kind of relationship I let them know politely and I don't lead them on if I am not interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aniekwe Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 1 minute ago, Clasher said: From the beginning I always try to define our relationship and State our boundaries , but if they start developing feelings and I am not interested in them for that kind of relationship I let them know politely and I don't lead them on if I am not interested. That's the main problem I have with most of them. When I'm trying to get them to understand I don't have that feelings and it's not going to work, they would think that I'm being too uptight. In the end, they label me cold and start keeping malice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clasher Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 3 minutes ago, Aniekwe said: That's the main problem I have with most of them. When I'm trying to get them to understand I don't have that feelings and it's not going to work, they would think that I'm being too uptight. In the end, they label me cold and start keeping malice. That's their problem, if she isn't okay with us been just friends then I don't think I would continue talking to her. If she truly cares about me as she says then you would respect my feelings as much as I do hers. Aniekwe 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatman Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 2 hours ago, Aniekwe said: That's the main problem I have with most of them. When I'm trying to get them to understand I don't have that feelings and it's not going to work, they would think that I'm being too uptight. In the end, they label me cold and start keeping malice. If they hate you for trying to protect them from getting hurt in the end because they will as you were never in love with them, I'd say that it was better the friendship split up. I can be casual friends with a lady but there's always going to be a limit to everything we do and that's going to curtail her getting feelings for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shagger Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 I love you @DC, but I could not agree with you less. I may even agree with that less than anything I've ever seen posted on VGR. Not only is it very possible to have healthy, fulfilling plutonic relationships with the opposite sex, I'd go so far to say it's important to do so. It can't be a good thing to look at the opposite sex and only see someone to potentially have a romantic or sexual relationship with. I actually shudder to think how somebody would turn out without it. At the very least it offers an insight and opportunity to learn things about the opposite sex that you can't get any other way, even from a romantic relationship. Not to mention how many happy couples exist out there that start of as friends, so I cannot see the drawback here, like at all. DC 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killamch89 Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 I have plenty of female friends that I grew up with so it's possible. It can work if both parties have the intention of remaining friends and no romantic feelings are involved somewhere along the line. If one party has/develops romantic feelings for the other and it isn't expressed, it can lead to all kinds of issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grungie Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 I have female friends I’m not romantically interested in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Posted June 22, 2022 Author Share Posted June 22, 2022 4 minutes ago, Shagger said: I love you @DC, but I could not agree with you less. I may even agree with that less than anything I've ever seen posted on VGR. Not only is it very possible to have healthy, fulfilling plutonic relationships with the opposite sex, I'd go so far to say it's important to do so. It can't be a good thing to look at the opposite sex and only see someone to potentially have a romantic or sexual relationship with. I actually shudder to think how somebody would turn out without it. At the very least it offers an insight and opportunity to learn things about the opposite sex that you can't get any other way, even from a romantic relationship. Not to mention how many happy couples exist out there that start of as friends, so I cannot see the drawback here, like at all. All good. My perspective is always negatively received by my peers. I use to have a lot of platonic friends when I was younger and do agree that it is likely healthy to have friendships with the opposite sex but it's become more challenging for me as I have grown older and incurred more responsibilities. Perhaps this viewpoint is influenced by me being an introvert and also having trouble with superficial conversations and lack of continuity. killamch89 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killamch89 Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 3 hours ago, DC said: All good. My perspective is always negatively received by my peers. I use to have a lot of platonic friends when I was younger and do agree that it is likely healthy to have friendships with the opposite sex but it's become more challenging for me as I have grown older and incurred more responsibilities. Perhaps this viewpoint is influenced by me being an introvert and also having trouble with superficial conversations and lack of continuity. I totally understand your mindset bro and at least you're transparent about your intentions when dealing with the opposite sex unlike others who will "befriend" these women trying to get into bed with them and will strike at a moment when they're vulnerable. As long as you're honest about your intentions when dealing with others, I can't sit here and knock you for that. DC 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Blackangel Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 8 hours ago, DC said: This is a controversial one. My view may be unpopular and/or improper but I believe it is unhealthy for a man to be platonic friends with females. It's typically disingenuous. I am at the point in my life where I do not have time or interest in entertaining women as friends. I pursue women romantically or not at all. I guess I know where I stand with you now.😉 But I do have to disagree. I have been friends with men in the past. They weren't interested in me and I wasn't interested in them. I'm sure that if I had offered, they would have been willing to jump into bed with me, simply because I'm female. But I wasn't a whore. Also I'm not into men. But being friends is sometimes difficult when there's the possibility of sexual tension in the situation. but as long as everyone knows the other persons boundaries (and respects those boundaries), then it should be fine. DC 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatman Posted June 23, 2022 Share Posted June 23, 2022 12 hours ago, killamch89 said: I totally understand your mindset bro and at least you're transparent about your intentions when dealing with the opposite sex unlike others who will "befriend" these women trying to get into bed with them and will strike at a moment when they're vulnerable. As long as you're honest about your intentions when dealing with others, I can't sit here and knock you for that. This is so true. There is one girlfriend of mine, we are just casual anyway. She finished her youth service camp and had 2 friends from the camp. When she went to process her Place of Primary Assignment, she meet with one of the guy's in camp. They hanged out to catch up. I updated her not to take brandy or whisky because I know what that can do. She never listened and in the end, she got drunk and was taken advantage of. Why it was so sad was that she was still a virgin and the guy had his way with her that night. When she woke up in the morning with hang over and realized what had happened, the guy told her that she was the one that asked him to do it. What a shame!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
