Disabled Gamers

[StaceyPowers]

As a disabled person, I thought I would start a thread for others to check in who would like to talk about gaming with disabilities or handicaps of any nature.

• What challenges do you face as a disabled gamer?
• Has gaming helped you in any way to overcome or cope with your disabilities?

I am hoping @LadyDay and @The Blackangel might chime in, as well as others.

I have chronic pain issues relating to a structural abnormality in my jaw and spine, as well as executive function issues due to my OCD and suspected ASD (I don't consider ASD a negative, but the executive function issues can be a challenge).

@LadyDay and I have talked about gaming with executive function issues a bit in this thread.

My pain issues calm down at night a lot of times, so I game before bed. Even though OCD leads to executive function difficulties while gaming, gaming has been a HUGE help in reducing my OCD-related looping/anxious thoughts. As a result, I sleep much better at night. In this way, gaming helps me to overcome one of my difficulties.

I would love to hear other stories. You can also ask questions and offer tips in this thread.

[The Blackangel]

I'm worn to the bone and just got home. I'm on my phone at the moment, but I'll post a real reply to this tomorrow.

[LadyDay]

Sure, I can chime in.

I've suffered from major depression, anxiety and panic attacks since I was a child (I''m 32 now, so my brain has dones a lot of developing while having this illness). The result of both the disease itself and the medicine I'm getting is that I have very slow reaction speed, generally have to do things at a slow pace, struggle to multitask, struggle to keep overview over a situation, have bad memory and so on. As a gamer I don't have lots of experience to draw on yet, but it's clear that compared to others my abilities in combat is effected. Slow reaction speed obviously means that I'm slow to react to attacks (who would have thought? 😄 ) and lack of overview and memory means I struggle to jump back and forth between different weapons, different spells and so on (I don't remember what I have without looking in my inventory and I forget to use it). 

I think gaming is a good way of training the abilities I struggle with. It forces me to use them, and in a fun way. I hope and think I will see these challenges improve over all from this. And seeing my skills at gaming rise will be good for my self esteem. I also, as Stacey, find that it's good for breaking spiraling anxiety. A good thing about games (at least at Skyrim, the game I've played the most, besides the Sims) is that you can enjoy them without being able to work at super-speed and with a lot of different actions at once. You can use a lower difficulty setting. And at least in Skyrim you can choose heavy armor, so it might be slower, like me, but it can also take more damage. So the play style can be adapted to my strengths and weaknesses.

Maybe I can't brag about how good I am compared to others, but who cares?! I do stay away from multiplayer games with people I don't know well. I don't want to have to constantly explain why I can't keep up with the other players. 

I do worry that I might simply not be able to play some of the games that are harder, even on a low difficulty setting. I would really like to play The Witcher 3 and Assassins Creed: Odyssey someday (after a GPU and CPU upgrade), but I fear I'd just get defeated by the games. Do any of you have experiences with these games? Even if these games wouldn't be for me, I still have a lot of other games I'd like to play. My next game will definitely be Fallout New Vegas, as per recommendation of @StaceyPowers. 

[The Blackangel]

I have to face a lot of the same mental illnesses as you @LadyDay. But I'm also schizophrenic on top of it all. I also have a rage disorder. I've also been diagnosed as Schizoid and borderline personality disorder (BPD). And I'm not going to lie, these issues have gotten me in trouble with the law several times.

But I believe the disability that plays a more important part in this discussion is the physical one

I've had back problems since I was a teenager, getting worse as the years progressed. Finally in December of 2015, I was diagnosed with Myotonic Muscular Dystrophy. For those who don't know MD is a muscle disease that deteriorates the muscles, and over time you simply get weaker and weaker. Your endurance goes down, and your strength is shot. It's progressed to the point that I'm now wheelchair bound. I'm unable to walk more than 3 or 4 steps without passing out. If I do any kind of physical activity, even something simple, like dressing myself, it often makes me pass out. I have night time incontinence due to the MD. I'm seeing my neurologist soon, so I'll see what he says. Actually I see 3 different neurologists, so I can't keep track of which one I see and when. Hopefully this one is the right one for my MD.

So my MD is the main reason why all I do anymore is play video games and play around online. I simply don't have the physical capability to do much of anything else.

And thank you @StaceyPowers for making this post. I had thought about doing the same, but didn't think there would be enough disabled people here for it. Or maybe I was just scared to do it. Afraid of being judged or ridiculed. I guess you're just braver than I am.

Edited April 7, 2019 by The Blackangel

[LadyDay]

Phew @The Blackangel you've got quite a host of things to deal with! Thank you for sharing it with us. I know it comes with a fear of being judged.  

I was wondering, do you think gaming helps you cope with the mental illnesses? Like it helps @StaceyPowers and me calm anxiety, and you have quite a few more issues to deal with. 

[The Blackangel]

It helps quite a bit. I can run around killing enemies and it gets a lot of stress out. But if I'm looking for a certain drop item and having a hard time getting the item, then it adds stress. So sometimes I just pop in a game that I know I can beat easily. That helps center me and relax me. Gaming is more or less a life saver. And since I have such a short attention span, I have to have something to keep my eyes, ears, and hands busy, or all my issues go nuclear.

[StaceyPowers]

12 hours ago, LadyDay said:

and lack of overview and memory means I struggle to jump back and forth between different weapons, different spells and so on (I don't remember what I have without looking in my inventory and I forget to use it). 

I have this issue as well with my poor executive function. I also mix up the buttons to push between different games, making the situation even more complicated. I have to rely almost 100% on muscle memory since my brain isn't going to know what to do. If someone asks me what button to push while playing a game I play every day, or how to access and use an ability in the menus, I'm totally blank.

 

 

1

12 hours ago, LadyDay said:

 

I do worry that I might simply not be able to play some of the games that are harder, even on a low difficulty setting. I would really like to play The Witcher 3 and Assassins Creed: Odyssey someday (after a GPU and CPU upgrade), but I fear I'd just get defeated by the games. Do any of you have experiences with these games? Even if these games wouldn't be for me, I still have a lot of other games I'd like to play. My next game will definitely be Fallout New Vegas, as per recommendation of @StaceyPowers. 

12 hours ago, LadyDay said:

I do stay away from multiplayer games with people I don't know well. I don't want to have to constantly explain why I can't keep up with the other players. 

Same here. It is just anxiety-inducing knowing that I’ll under-perform compared to most players. I used to MUD, but that was different from a lot of current MMOs. I did well MUDing, but I did well through politics, not fighting. My executive function was better then, but still not great, and I was a terrible fighter even then.

Plus, honestly, at the end of the day, I have no social energy left. I am trying to disconnect and unwind, and single player works for that.

I haven’t played Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey or The Witcher 3, but both series interest me. The game I played which challenged me the most was The Last of Us. I played it on normal and it was right at the very edge of my ability level. I spent the whole game terrified I would get stuck and not be able to beat it, but I made it, and it was worth every second.

Like many other people, I tried Dark Souls at one point and gave up, lol. Those games require the very set of skills we lack to be put to precision use, and the games are extremely punishing when you fail.

6 hours ago, The Blackangel said:

our endurance goes down, and your strength is shot. It's progressed to the point that I'm now wheelchair bound. I'm unable to walk more than 3 or 4 steps without passing out.

I can’t imagine what that is like. It certainly puts my muscular issues (myofascial pain syndrome) into perspective. I am really impressed with all that you do manage to do.

6 hours ago, The Blackangel said:

And thank you @StaceyPowers for making this post. I had thought about doing the same, but didn't think there would be enough disabled people here for it. Or maybe I was just scared to do it. Afraid of being judged or ridiculed. I guess you're just braver than I am.

I can understand that. It’s really hard, if not impossible, for someone who doesn’t have a particular physical or psychological challenge to understand what life is like for someone who does. I can tell you flat-out that you are braver than me, simply by hearing your description of living with MD. Anyone who judges or ridicules you is doing so from a position of ignorance and weakness. Actually, you're the one who inspired me to make this thread after you brought up your disability in another. I got the feeling I might have inadvertently offended you, and I wanted you to know you're safe and welcome and not alone here.

[The Blackangel]

You haven't offended me in any way. Trust me if you did, you would know. I don't hold back when someone offends me. And I've been told by both truckers and sailors to watch my mouth. So I'm not shy about letting someone know what I think of them.

[LadyDay]

17 hours ago, The Blackangel said:

It helps quite a bit. I can run around killing enemies and it gets a lot of stress out. But if I'm looking for a certain drop item and having a hard time getting the item, then it adds stress. So sometimes I just pop in a game that I know I can beat easily. That helps center me and relax me. Gaming is more or less a life saver. And since I have such a short attention span, I have to have something to keep my eyes, ears, and hands busy, or all my issues go nuclear.

There is a lot of fear in the world that violent games may make people, in particular children, violent or aggressive. Nobody ever talks about what a positive influence gaming can have for those of us with mental illness of one sort or another. It's good to hear that it's such a positive thing for you!

Can I ask a sensitive question? is there a risk that MD may eventually effect your hands to the point where you can't use the controller/keyboard/mouse? Please ignore the question if it's not something you're happy to talk about. 

12 hours ago, StaceyPowers said:

I have this issue as well with my poor executive function. I also mix up the buttons to push between different games, making the situation even more complicated. I have to rely almost 100% on muscle memory since my brain isn't going to know what to do. If someone asks me what button to push while playing a game I play every day, or how to access and use an ability in the menus, I'm totally blank.

I imagine I'll have that issue too, especially if I start playing multiple games at a time.

12 hours ago, StaceyPowers said:

Same here. It is just anxiety-inducing knowing that I’ll under-perform compared to most players. I used to MUD, but that was different from a lot of current MMOs. I did well MUDing, but I did well through politics, not fighting. My executive function was better then, but still not great, and I was a terrible fighter even then.

Plus, honestly, at the end of the day, I have no social energy left. I am trying to disconnect and unwind, and single player works for that.

You hit the nail on the head. I'm unable to work, so I don't see a lot of people, but after spending time with others I'd also have to use the game to unwind on my own, rather than being social. Social situations are very draining for people like us. 

12 hours ago, StaceyPowers said:

Like many other people, I tried Dark Souls at one point and gave up, lol. Those games require the very set of skills we lack to be put to precision use, and the games are extremely punishing when you fail.

Note to self: Avoid Dark Souls unless in the mood to fail. 

9 hours ago, The Blackangel said:

And I've been told by both truckers and sailors to watch my mouth.

😄 

Edited April 8, 2019 by LadyDay

[The Blackangel]

5 hours ago, LadyDay said:

There is a lot of fear in the world that violent games may make people, in particular children, violent or aggressive. Nobody ever talks about what a positive influence gaming can have for those of us with mental illness of one sort or another. It's good to hear that it's such a positive thing for you!

Can I ask a sensitive question? is there a risk that MD may eventually effect your hands to the point where you can't use the controller/keyboard/mouse? Please ignore the question if it's not something you're happy to talk about. 

You're welcome to ask anything you want. I'm not an authority on MD, but I do know more than I want to know.

Yes the MD can, and probably will, affect my ability to use my hands for much. It is like a slow drip and instead of leaking water, it leaks strength and endurance. But so far just sitting back and pressing buttons in my hands in a relaxed state doesn't seem to be in any danger for a while.

Fingers crossed.

[LadyDay]

19 minutes ago, The Blackangel said:

You're welcome to ask anything you want. I'm not an authority on MD, but I do know more than I want to know.

Yes the MD can, and probably will, affect my ability to use my hands for much. It is like a slow drip and instead of leaking water, it leaks strength and endurance. But so far just sitting back and pressing buttons in my hands in a relaxed state doesn't seem to be in any danger for a while.

Fingers crossed.

I'll keep everything crossed too 🙂 

[killamch89]

I was just about to mention that Microsoft was working on an adaptive controller and then Linus releases this video. It isn't perfect but at the very least it is a step towards getting everyone into gaming regardless of physical or mental ability.

[StaceyPowers]

1 hour ago, killamch89 said:

I was just about to mention that Microsoft was working on an adaptive controller and then Linus releases this video. It isn't perfect but at the very least it is a step towards getting everyone into gaming regardless of physical or mental ability.

That’s really cool. That also led me to reading about this mouth-controlled joystick: https://www.quadstick.com/shop/quadstick-fps-game-controller.

5 hours ago, The Blackangel said:

You're welcome to ask anything you want. I'm not an authority on MD, but I do know more than I want to know.

Yes the MD can, and probably will, affect my ability to use my hands for much. It is like a slow drip and instead of leaking water, it leaks strength and endurance. But so far just sitting back and pressing buttons in my hands in a relaxed state doesn't seem to be in any danger for a while.

Fingers crossed.

Fingers crossed from me as well. I don’t mind telling you that if I had your condition, it would scare the hell out of me. I hope that slow drip is as slow as possible.

 

 

 

2

10 hours ago, LadyDay said:

There is a lot of fear in the world that violent games may make people, in particular children, violent or aggressive. Nobody ever talks about what a positive influence gaming can have for those of us with mental illness of one sort or another. It's good to hear that it's such a positive thing for you!

Can I ask a sensitive question? is there a risk that MD may eventually effect your hands to the point where you can't use the controller/keyboard/mouse? Please ignore the question if it's not something you're happy to talk about. 

I imagine I'll have that issue too, especially if I start playing multiple games at a time.

You hit the nail on the head. I'm unable to work, so I don't see a lot of people, but after spending time with others I'd also have to use the game to unwind on my own, rather than being social. Social situations are very draining for people like us. 

Note to self: Avoid Dark Souls unless in the mood to fail. 

😄 

Playing Dark Souls as a form of self-punishment is a running joke pretty much everywhere.

I also find it strange that there is so little talk about how gaming might reduce violent behaviour by offering a safe means of catharsis as well as a generally relaxing outlet each day.

[kingpotato]

I use orthopedic braces on both legs so thats why played more Videogames as a child instead of playing sports, I'm actually a soccer fan.

[StaceyPowers]

3 hours ago, kingpotato said:

I use orthopedic braces on both legs so thats why played more Videogames as a child instead of playing sports, I'm actually a soccer fan.

I'm actually surprised by the percentage of people here who have mentioned a disability. It makes sense though. As you point out, games are probably more accessible to a lot of people with disabilities than other activities might be.

I make jewelry, and I've noticed the same is true for crafting. Come to think of it, the disabled crafters I've met through jewelry-making are also into gaming.